July 1, 2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eric Barker<\/a> <\/p> This article<\/a> originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree<\/a>. <\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
These are the techniques that FBI hostage negotiation professionals use to get information and achieve results. <\/a>Photo: Fort Bragg via FlickrHow does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds? The Behavioral Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI\u2019s hostage negotiation unit, and it shows the 5 steps to getting someone else to see your point of view and change what they\u2019re doing. It\u2019s not something that only works with barricaded criminals wielding assault rifles \u2014 it applies to most any form of disagreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThere are five steps:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Active Listening: Listen to their side and make them aware you\u2019re listening.<\/li>
- Empathy: You get an understanding of where they\u2019re coming from and how they feel.<\/li>
- Rapport: Empathy is what you feel. Rapport is when they feel it back. They start to trust you.<\/li>
- Influence: Now that they trust you, you\u2019ve earned the right to work on problem-solving with them and recommend a course of action.<\/li>
- Behavioral Change: They act. (And maybe come out with their hands up.)<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nThe problem is, you\u2019re probably screwing it up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What you\u2019re doing wrong<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
In all likelihood you usually skip the first three steps. You start at 4 (Influence) and expect the other person to immediately go to 5 (Behavioral Change).And that never works.Saying \u201cHere\u2019s why I\u2019m right and you\u2019re wrong\u201d might be effective if people were fundamentally rational.But they\u2019re not.From my interview with former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss<\/a>:\u2026business negotiations try to pretend that emotions don\u2019t exist. What\u2019s your best alternative to a negotiated agreement, or \u2018BATNA\u2019? \u00a0That\u2019s to try to be completely unemotional and rational, which is a fiction about negotiation. Human beings are incapable of being rational, regardless\u2026 So instead of pretending emotions don\u2019t exist in negotiations, hostage negotiators have actually designed an approach that takes emotions fully into account and uses them to influence situations, which is the reality of the way all negotiations go\u2026The most critical step in the Behavioral Change Staircase is actually the first part: active listening. The other steps all follow from it. But most people are terrible at listening. Here\u2019s Chris<\/a> again: If while you\u2019re making your argument, the only time the other side is silent is because they\u2019re thinking about their own argument, they\u2019ve got a voice in their head that\u2019s talking to them. They\u2019re not listening to you. When they\u2019re making their argument to you, you\u2019re thinking about your argument, that\u2019s the voice in your head that\u2019s talking to you. So it\u2019s very much like dealing with a schizophrenic. If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that\u2019s the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy\u2019s mind. But most people don\u2019t do that. They don\u2019t walk into a negotiation wanting to hear what the other side has to say. They walk into a negotiation wanting to make an argument. They don\u2019t pay attention to emotions and they don\u2019t listen. The basics of active listening<\/a> are pretty straightforward:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Listen to what they say. Don\u2019t interrupt, disagree or \u201cevaluate.\u201d<\/li>
- Nod your head, and make brief acknowledging comments like \u201cyes\u201d and \u201cuh-huh.\u201d<\/li>
- Without being awkward, repeat back the gist of what they just said, from their frame of reference.<\/li>
- Inquire. Ask questions that show you\u2019ve been paying attention and that move the discussion forward.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
So what six techniques do FBI hostage negotiation professionals use to take it to the next level?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Ask open-ended questions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You don\u2019t want yes\/no answers, you want them to open up. Via Crisis Negotiations, Fourth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections: A good open-ended question would be \u201cSounds like a tough deal. Tell me how it all happened.\u201d It is non-judgmental, shows interest, and is likely to lead to more information about the man\u2019s situation. A poor response would be \u201cDo you have a gun? What kind? How many bullets do you have?\u201d because it forces the man into one-word answers, gives the impression that the negotiator is more interested in the gun than the man, and communicates a sense of urgency that will build rather than defuse tension.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Effective pauses<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Pausing is powerful. Use it for emphasis, to encourage someone to keep talking or to defuse things when people get emotional. Gary Noesner, author of Stalling for Time: My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator<\/a> has said<\/a>: Eventually, even the most emotionally overwrought subjects will find it difficult to sustain a one-sided argument, and they again will return to meaningful dialogue with negotiators. Thus, by remaining silent at the right times, negotiators actually can move the overall negotiation process forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Minimal Encouragers<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Brief statements to let the person know you\u2019re listening and to keep them talking. Gary Noesner: Even relatively simple phrases, such as \u201cyes,\u201d \u201cO.K.,\u201d or \u201cI see,\u201d effectively convey that a negotiator is paying attention to the subject. These responses will encourage the subject to continue talking and gradually relinquish more control of the situation to the negotiator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. Mirroring<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Repeating the last word or phrase the person said to show you\u2019re listening and engaged. Yes, it\u2019s that simple \u2014 just repeat the last word or two: Gary Noesner: For example, a subject may declare, \u201cI\u2019m sick and tired of being pushed around,\u201d to which the negotiator can respond, \u201cFeel pushed, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. Paraphrasing<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Repeating what the other person is saying back to them in your own words. This powerfully shows you really do understand and aren\u2019t merely parroting. From my interview with the former head of FBI international hostage negotiation, Chris Voss: The idea is to really listen to what the other side is saying and feed it back to them. It\u2019s kind of a discovery process for both sides. First of all, you\u2019re trying to discover what\u2019s important to them, and secondly, you\u2019re trying to help them hear what they\u2019re saying to find out if what they are saying makes sense to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6. Emotional Labeling<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Give their feelings a name. It shows you\u2019re identifying with how they feel. Don\u2019t comment on the validity of the feelings \u2014 they could be totally crazy \u2014 but show them you understand. Via Crisis Negotiations, Fourth Edition: Managing Critical Incidents and Hostage Situations in Law Enforcement and Corrections: A good use of emotional labeling would be \u201cYou sound pretty hurt about being left. It doesn\u2019t seem fair.\u201d because it recognizes the feelings without judging them. It is a good Additive Empathetic response because it identifies the hurt that underlies the anger the woman feels and adds the idea of justice to the actor\u2019s message, an idea that can lead to other ways of getting justice. A poor response would be \u201cYou don\u2019t need to feel that way. If he was messing around on you, he was not worth the energy.\u201d It is judgmental. It tells the subject how not to feel. It minimizes the subject\u2019s feelings, which are a major part of who she is. It is Subtractive Empathy. Curious to learn more? To get my exclusive full interview with the former head of FBI hostage negotiation Chris Voss (where he explains the two words that tell you a negotiation is going very badly) join my free weekly newsletter. Click here. Join over 140,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"July 1, 2019 Eric Barker This article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree. These are the techniques that FBI hostage negotiation professionals use to get information and achieve results. Photo: Fort Bragg via FlickrHow does hostage negotiation get people to change their minds? The Behavioral Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI\u2019s … Continue reading 6 hostage negotiation techniques that will get you what you want<\/span>